Another Fat Chicks Blog

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

It’s a reasonable question and one that I got asked recently, it’s something that I hadn’t really thought about but I considered how old I would be (29) and answered married with kids. 

I had no idea if that was what I really wanted, but by the age of 30 society expects one to be in a marriage and children situation so fuck it, I went with that one.

But it bugged me, I mean REALLY bugged me, I don’t like not having answers or explanations for things and it’s something I’ve been pondering over and has genuinely made me realise a lot about myself.

I wouldn’t recommend to anyone that you use the marriage and kids line, especially not when you’re out on a date anyway, not the best way to go about playing it cool I have to say.

It’s been 8 years since I left school. I really thought my life would be different than what it is now, 16 year old me would never have thought present me would still be living at home, working a job that while I enjoy it – it has no obvious prospects and still be single.

So in less time that I left school, I suddenly expect myself to be not just married but be responsible for another human being?

Erm, NO.

My lack of blogs have been due to the fact I’ve been giving the whole life thing a whirl, I’m literally never home; I’m out with my friends and I’m loving every minute of it.

I was talking to my Mum last night and she was expressing her joy at me going out so much and how I’ve got much more chance of meeting someone, I’ve never been more serious when I answered without a seconds thought “To be honest, I don’t want to meet anyone”.

I’m very happy spending all my time out with my friends, living and just having fun, I don’t want another person to consider or have to think or even explain myself to. 

I enjoy dating and enjoy the flirting and the whole getting to know someone but as soon as they mention the future or even hint at the boyfriend/girlfriend word and I genuinely freak out - which is ironic really given the whole content of this blog, but it’s true.

I’m not ruling a relationship out but at the moment - it’s absolutely not what I’m looking for.

My Mum told me “Your problem is that when you meet someone you like, you give them everything, you give it 120% and you expect 150% back in return, but at the first sign of any level of commitment you can’t handle it, you’re so fussy too which doesn’t help and you keep people waiting, you could meet the perfect guy but you would keep him waiting happily 10 years before he could get you up the aisle. You go out and have fun, have your one night stands but just make sure that he wears a jacket and your one night doesn’t turn into nine months as that would just be your luck and I’m not ready to be a grandparent”

Touché Mother, touché.

I could not have put that better myself.

I’ve made mistakes when it comes to dating and I’ve said and acted in ways that I regret and I’ve also been a total dick to some people but it’s all part of learning and I’m not saying I would go out and be a total slut, not by any means, I do have high standards and high morals so the practical side of me sleeping around would never be a theory that could work, I just couldn’t do it. But I don’t want to get to the point where I may be ready to marry someone and suddenly come to regret choices I haven’t made or chances that I didn’t take while I have this “freedom” and chance.

I realise this is a bit of a deeper take than what my blog usually provides, and the good humour will return but for now I’m being serious.

5 years isn’t a very long time really, my pre-order for June got delivered so soon after it only just been Christmas that I feel confused - so 5 years will be gone in no time at all.

There are a lot of things I want to do, travel being one of them, not in the sense I want to grab a backpack and wonder off, just weekend breaks here and there.

Prague, Italy, Romania, Germany, Barcelona, Greece, Ireland or even just London are all places I’ve been wanting to see for years.

Several “local” places that are within easy flying distance, that I have the ability to visit.

Fair enough, having a boyfriend would make that more doable in the sense of having someone to go with, my friends have other commitments and responsibilities that don’t make it possible for them to just go away for the weekend, but what is stopping me going by myself, or even just randomly booking 2 tickets and randomly ringing up a friend to see if they want to go?

The answer is nothing.

Nothing is stopping me doing these things apart from me living towards expectations and what’s normal.  What society dictates we should do and be?

Fuck that, I need to start living.

I need to stop worrying about what people think of me and not meeting anyone’s expectations but my own, I’m in a very fortunate position that I have amazing friends, family, I have a job that pays reasonable and I have a car.

The only responsibility I have is my horse; that’s it, that’s the entire content of my world in a nut shell.

What started off as a casual comment from someone has resulted in all of this, and if they knew that it was down to them, I know they would feel some level of pride for being the reason behind this and of my findings, they have an attitude towards taking opportunities that I really admire. 

I saw a beer mat at the pub the other day, and on it said “Be yourself and take control of your life”.

I like that.

That shall be my new way of thinking.

So in 5 years time, I really have no idea of where I want to be, all I can hope is that I arrive at being 30 years old having had a total blast and done everything that I wanted to.

Career wise I know what I want to do, it’s just a case of waiting for the recruitment opportunity to become available, diet wise I know what dress size I want to achieve and the only other thing I’ve thought about is what car I’m going to buy when my current one decides to give up.

But that’s all I have planned.

It’s time to start being spontaneous and stop living my life so by the book and listening to the rules.

It’s time to be and find me.

You don’t get them in a book or a leaflet when you suddenly realise the opposite sex exist for reasons outside of being smelly, snot encrusted boys covered in dirt – but apparently they exist do these rules, especially the ones for first dates.

As I’ve said before, I’m new to all this, it’s only these last 18 months I’ve “been dating” and I’ve been on many dates but not with many people.

Mostly because I’m really fussy, I’ll happily admit to the fact that I do have high standards, experience has taught me to have low expectations but I do very much have a type that I go for.

For example, I’ve always dated boys with blue eyes, not by coincidence but by choice. 

I know what I want and what I like in the opposite sex and I’ll happily wait around till someone who fits my bill comes along.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a snob or vain and think that I deserve this perfect guy who ticks all the boxes and is proper fit.

I know you have to make exceptions but hey, I’m holding on for a hero.

I’ve been speaking to a lot of people about first dates, getting their opinions on the Do’s and Don’ts of first date etiquette.

It’s a total mine field.

Obviously you can know all these rules, but really you have no idea what’s going to happen when you get there, it all depends on the situation and how things are going, no matter how much you plan, you can’t predict.

The Do rules just tend to be the basics of being yourself, being polite, being funny and charismatic, smiling, flirting - all common sense type stuff. 

No kissing, no sex and no going back to their/your place are the obvious don’ts, it’s become apparent.

I’ve never had sex on the first date but I’ve done the other 2.

Check me being a dating rebel.

Don’t get me wrong, I think going back to someone’s house that you’ve just met is really risky, and people gasp when you tell them and tell you how daft you were, but only you know how it felt in that situation and you’d have a pretty good inkling on if they were gonna go all American Psycho on you.  Although when they make jokes about killing you - that can be taken in two different ways:

“Frightened I’m going to push you off the balcony?” He said.

“Leave me unsupervised in these heels and I’ll do it myself” I replied.  

It was fine, we we’re joking, and obviously I didn’t die.

Kissing, I was quite surprised when I was discussing this with a male friend, a few weeks before this I was talking to him about explicit/suggestive picture messages and when/if they are appropriate. 

He claimed that you should totally send them before the date, while you’re flirting and getting to know each other because it builds up the excitement for when you see them, but yet when I told him I’d kissed someone on the first date he insisted this was wrong and you shouldn’t do that, you should keep them guessing.

Well if I’ve already shown them a picture of me in my underwear, a kiss is hardly going to be up there with me being worried is it really?

Not that I’ve sent anyone pictures of me in my underwear, of course.

*ahem*

I had a friend that drew me a map of several table plans, on where to sit on a date depending on how the tables were laid out/designed. I stared at that in more wonder than I ever have at anything else.

Rules for where you sit at the table?

What the actual fuck.

I almost didn’t want to go.

Table rules?

Rules for where you sit at the tables?

It still makes my mind boggle, however, when I got to the bar, I followed the rules and sat where my map told me too in that table layout situation, I didn’t whip it out of anything, I mean I knocked the cutlery off the table in what was probably slight panic and celebration but, shit happens, he didn’t seem to notice or he had the decency to not acknowledge how socially dysfunctional I was being.

I like first dates, I quite enjoy the nervous butterfly feeling you get and all the drama you create in your head.

My last first date didn’t go so well, I followed some of the rules and broke some of the others.

I’m enjoying the learning curve and you can only really learn these Do’s and Don’ts fully by being out there and experience them and learning from mistakes and victories.

I’m very much happy being single at the moment and dating, and I do have a lot of options shall we say, bring on the rule filled, sophisticated fun.

So, mines either an orange juice or a sex on the beach if I’m not driving please, and, hang on - my map stipulates you sit over on this side of the table dear…..

Just so you know, I now have comments enabled on my posts, to be able to leave a comment, click on the date and time at the top of each blog and it will open it up in a new page, scroll to the bottom and you can leave a comment. 

If you want to.

You might not want to, that’s fine. 

So, like many things gone by like chain emails (everyone still has an older relative that insisits on still sending these) and MySpace bullitens, every now and then some form of questionnaire appears for people to fill in.

A few of my friends write blogs and have tagged me in them to answer the questions and seen as though I look really rude because I haven’t yet done anything about it - here goes.

First person was my good friend Becky over at If All the World Were Apple Pie

1. You can only eat one meal for the rest of your life – what is it and why?

My Mums roast dinner, hands down, I would never get bored of it. 

2. Tell me about the last film you watched. Did you like it? Why/why not?

The last film I watched was Step Brothers.  After spending time quoting it during a conversation with someone, I decided to brush up on my lines.

It’s about the 8th times I’ve watched it too so that would be a good indication to if I like it or not. 

3. What’s your favourite book of all time? Why do you like it?

The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton, when I was growing up and learning to read my Mum used to constantly buy me Enid Blyton books.

I can’t remember a time when I was a child where I wasn’t reading one of these books but The Magic Faraway Tree is one that I never tired of, near home we have a group of trees that make the noise and is always makes me think of this book. It just makes me feel happy. 

4. What do you value most in a person? Is there something that makes you think less of people regardless of other good characteristics?

A sense of humor, as anyone knows I like to have fun and not be too serious, I can always appreciate and cherish someone who can make me laugh, it’s a really important trait to have. 

5. You win a very large amount of money, enough that you’d never need to work again, but not so much you could buy the planet! What do you do with it?

Split the money with my parents, then I would pay off close friends debts like mortgages and then I would buy a sensible house and car and travel.  Oh and shoes, I’d no doubt buy a shit load of shoes. I’d have a shoe room in my sensible house. 

The next round of questions came from Las over at Las and Colin Go Texan

1. If you could have dinner with any famous person (alive or dead), who would it be and why?

Sandra Bullock - she seems like a really “nice” person, whenever I see her I always think we could be friends, I’d like to see if this theory is correct. 

2. If you were an animal, what would you be, and why?

Anyone of my animals, that way I could be totally spoilt and spend most of the day sleeping. Dream.

3. When you were little, who was your favorite super hero and why?

I don’t think I had a favorite super hero to be honest, but I thought Barbie was pretty shit hot - way better than Cindy. Although, I never had a Cindy doll….

4.  If they made a movie of your life, what would it be about and which actor would you want to play you? (and why?)

I would play me, nobody else could do it better but it would just be a huge coincidence that Jared Leto would play my love interest, totally a coincidence. Honest. 

5. If you could visit any place in the world, where would you choose to go and why?

Italy and Prague are 2 places where I would most like to go, the culture and the architecture of both places fascinate me, plus they are 2 places I know I could actually go to without dreaming too big. 

My questions to anyone who wishes to answer, I am not going to tag anyone specific, feel free to send me a message with the answers, would be a fun thing to learn about people: 

1. What was the last thing(s) you bought from the supermarket?

2. On the argument of cake or biscuit – what do you class a Jaffa Cake as?

3. Pizza Hut recently changed their cheese on the stuffed crust and I’m most unimpressed so even I would struggle to answer this, they could have prewarned me with a memo or something, but, what is your favourite pizza?

4. What film do you next plan going to see at the cinema?

5. What is your ultimate career hope? Do you ever see yourself doing it or is it just a dream?

I’m lucky, or unlucky as some may view it that I’ve never experienced heartbreak.

I’ve never been in love or even a long term relationship.

I’ve dated boys but that’s been pretty much it, well, I had a boyfriend in school but I don’t think that shit really counts, mobile phones were not even around then so I think that pretty much deems anything happening at that time as irrelevant.

Nobody ever really noticed me to be honest.

I’m not starting off on some “woe is me” rant here, they didn’t and I was cool with that.

I was, in my opinion, fat, had terrible dress sense and was more than happy to be ignored, I didn’t want to be noticed and hated it when I was, I’d go bright red and turn in to a mess.

I was beyond shy, I was hopeless.

Now, I’ll go all out here and even claim to be some sort of Ugly Duckling story.

I know nowadays, I’m far from being ugly and I certainly get noticed when I go places, I’m not the prettiest girl but I get noticed and I’ll happily acknowledge anyone who takes time to look my way - not by anything awkward like dry humping them because they’ve looked at me across the fruit aisle in Asda, a simple smile tends to do the trick.

Class people, class.

But something I’ve experienced lately through the joys of dating is I got hurt for the first time ever by a boy.

I had no right to get in to this situation, he was never mine and no solid feelings were involved but none the less, it happened.

My blog posts lately seem to be quite “down” ones about messing up and now this one, but that’s life, bad comes with the good and if I’m writing this as an honest and entertaining account of my life then it ain’t all candy floss and love hearts, unfortunately. 

Disney did not set me up for this shit. 

Thing is, it’s quite hard to get over someone isn’t it?

It’s very easy to like someone, to think they are fantastic but when things change it is so hard, especially when you try and give the whole “just being friends” thing a try, your whole mentality towards a situation you’ve built yourself up for has just gone and needs immediate change. 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t handle it very well.

I’d hear songs that reminded me of them or see posters and I would actually cry because I was gutted that, well, ultimately I didn’t get my way and what I expected. 

I don’t mean that in a stamp my feet, spoiled brat kind of way - but it’s true, I expected something to happen and totally had the rug pulled from under my feet when it didn’t.

It felt shit but it was a positive experience in the long run.

It’s made me more reserved and have zero expectations.

In fact, it’s made me a kick ass, take-no-shit hard bitch to be honest, but that’s only because I gave too much of myself away.

I wasn’t guarded at all and that nature got walked all over and wasn’t appreciated and it was me that had to deal with that, they didn’t give a shit. 

I will do anything for anyone, I really will, if I can help then I’ll do it.  Regardless of if I met you yesterday or if you’ve been my friend for 10 years.

I always thought being that kind of person was nothing but a good thing, but now I’ve realised that you should never give your everything to someone who just sees you as a something.

“Just be yourself”.

It’s a classic piece of advice that usually has the effect of you wanting to tell the person to fuck off as appose to actually listening, but I’ve learned recently how important it is to actually not be anything other than yourself.

What you see on my blog, is me.

What you see on my twitter, is me.

What my friends see on a Saturday night, is me.

How I behaved on a date the other night, wasn’t me.

BIG mistake.

Why didn’t I behave like me?

Well, I was nervous as hell would be the obvious answer.  

Like off the scale nervous, I’ve never understood the term “my knees are knocking” until I was stood outside the bar that night.

He was by far the most attractive person I’ve ever been on a date with, I think I was slightly in awe of him (in a totally non-creepy way) and I felt like behaving like me would be wholly inappropriate.

I was telling a friend about the date, I was telling her all these messed up, quirky things I wanted to do to put myself at ease or make him laugh but I didn’t do.

(putting a segment of orange in my mouth and smiling at him was one…)

She asked why and then she raised a valid point that it probably wasn’t the right person for me if I didn’t feel like I should do these things, and next time I go on a date I should just do whatever because “you need someone as weird and stupid as you, someone who’ll laugh at you being a dickhead”.

Fair enough comment.

She then went on to encourage me next time I’m on a date, every 20 minutes or so make a really weird noise, but keep my face totally straight and then carry on as though nothing happened, that will be a good way of testing someone compatible to you.  

Say’s a lot about me really on the whole if that’s the kind of behaviour I’m being encouraged to present for compatibility?

I never actually considered for a minute that my ways might have been what attracted this guy too me, my personality and how I portray myself might be a good thing, I was embarrassed of who I was, and to be fair to me I was really out of my comfort zone in this swanky bar in town where I had to get my friend to read the menu with me before I went because I genuinely didn’t have a clue what any of that nonsense was, as it turned out we didn’t eat so I was saved that pressure, I’m a Nandos or Brewers Fayre kinda gal, I didn’t have a fucking clue what “pork saltimbocca” was, if I’m feeling exotic, I go to the Chinese buffet.

I asked him when the date was over if I was what he expected, and you know what he said?

“You come across very bubbly and very life and soul of the party, and I didn’t see that tonight”

Fuck. I messed up.

Part of me wishes I could ring him and demand a re-run so we can do the whole thing again and me not be quite so reserved, but well, chance would be a fine thing. 

Moral of the story – always be yourself.